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9781250056504
English

1250056500
A razor-sharp memoir in which a young woman travels to Cambodia, Stockholm, and Paris to overcome the legacy of her difficult and charismatic father When Victoria Loustalot was eight years old her father swept her up in a fantasy: a trip around the world. It was a grandiose plan and she had fallen for it. But it had never been so much as a possibility. Victoria's father was sick. He was HIV positive and soon to fall prey to AIDS. Three years later he would be gone.When Victoria realized that the grand trip with her father wasn't going to happen, she was devastated. Her mother assumed she'd get over it, that eventually it would become just a shrug. But it didn't. In the years to come, Victoria wondered what it would have been like to have been alone with her dad all those months, to see him outside of his sickness, beyond anything related to their family or their life. To have been with him in a new context. That's what she wanted. And that's what she did.Some fifteen years after that initial promise, Victoria went to Stockholm, to Angkor Wat, and to Paris. She went to the places they were meant to see together, and she went to make peace with her father, too. Because while he'd always be forty-four, she'd gone on accumulating birthdays. Every year, her understanding of him continued to evolve and their relationship was still alive. Victoria Loustalot felt trapped beneath all of the unanswered questions he left behind. She needed to be set free. She needed to say goodbye., A razor-sharp memoir in which a young woman travels to Stockholm, Paris, and Angkor Wat to navigate romantic entanglements and explore a complicated past with her difficult and charismatic fatherWhen Victoria Loustalot was eight years old her father swept her up in a fantasy: a trip around the world. It was a grandiose plan, but it had never been so much as a possibility. Victoria's father was sick. He was HIV positive and soon to fall prey to AIDS. In three years he would be gone.Fifteen years later, Victoria is living in New York, exploring the new possibilities of young adulthood and the realities of dating in her twenties. But amidst the late-night cocktails, and pillow talk that lasts into the early hours of the morning, Victoria can't help feeling that something is missing in all of her romantic relationships. There's a yearning for connection that she can't seem to find. That's when she turns back to her father to explore that deeply enigmatic relationship that was cut off too soon. Victoria felt trapped beneath all of the unanswered questions he left behind. So Victoria sets off on an international voyage - to Stockholm, Angkor Wat, and Paris - to discover and make peace with her father. And to find wholeness, and perhaps love along the way..., When Victoria Loustalot was eight years old her father swept her up in a fantasy: a trip around the world. It was a grandiose plan, but it had never been so much as a possibility. Victoria's father was sick. He was HIV positive and soon to fall prey to AIDS. In three years he would be gone.Fifteen years later, Victoria is living in New York, exploring the new possibilities of young adulthood and the realities of dating in her twenties. But amidst the late-night cocktails, and pillow talk that lasts into the early hours of the morning, Victoria can't help feeling that something is missing in all of her romantic relationships. There's a yearning for connection that she can't seem to find. That's when she turns back to her father to explore that deeply enigmatic relationship that was cut off too soon. Victoria felt trapped beneath all of the unanswered questions he left behind. So Victoria sets off on an international voyage - to Stockholm, Angkor Wat, and Paris - to discover and make peace with her father. And to find wholeness, and perhaps love along the way..., When Victoria Loustalot was eight years old her father swept her up in a grand fantasy: a trip around the world. It was an outlandish plan and she fell for it. But it could never happen. Victoria's once-closeted father was gay and HIV positive. Not long after making his promise, he would be bedridden full-blown AIDS. Three days before her eleventh birthday, he would kill himself. But Victoria never forgot the fantasy. And she never stopped wondering what it would have been like to be alone with her father, to have seen him outside of his bed and his home, to have been with him in a new context. And what of him? Would he have glimpsed not just that eight-year-old girl on the banks of the Seine, but his adult daughter, too? This Is How You Say Goodbye follows a daughter as she searches for answers about her father, and about herself. In this razor-sharp memoir, Victoria Loustalot travels to Cambodia, Stockholm, and Paris to find out who her difficult and charismatic father was, and where, exactly, she came from. Writing with grace, humor, and ruthless honesty, she investigates her father's past, tracks down the men he loved, and ultimately finds peace within a jagged loss. This is a book born out of love and need, because while her fatherwould always be forty-four, Victoria came to understand their relationship was still very much alive. And she needed to say goodbye.

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